Thursday 21 March 2013

Poodle Parlour Day... Not all it's cracked up to be!

A quick peek at the picture of Moi below should show you that I actually look quite presentable (in a Goldie Hawn, fringe-over-the-eyes sort of way... Don't you agree?




But, who am I?  What does my opinion count for?  Nothing!  When my mother decides it's time for a cut, shampoo and set, there's no distracting her.  So... off to the doggy hairdressers we went!

At first, I thought it was a regular jaunt in the moving thingie with the big roundy black tyres which often smell of other dogs!  But when we turned into the driveway of the poodle parlour, I knew I was in for it!

Ohhhhhhh, the indignity of it all!  To be put in a cage while waiting for my turn, then to be soaped down in public with smelly shampoo.  And after that, to be shaved, poked, prodded, scissored, trimmed, blow-dried, scissored some more, have my ear hairs trimmed, my girlie parts given the canine version of a Brazilian wax, and then (the final indignity!) to have purple bows put in my ears!!!  I mean to say... Purple!  PURPLE!  It didn't matter that the bows had tiny doggy pawprints all over them, they were still (at the end of the day) Purple!  I hate Purple!

Mum thought I looked lovely and oohed and aahed over me all the way home and told me I was beautiful!  Yuk!  What does she know!


I had a plan!  As soon as we arrived home, I bounded upstairs, checked the food bowl, slurped some water, sniffed the floor by the fridge (just to be sure there wasn't any tasty morsel waiting for me), and then outside I went.  I raced around the side of the house, sat down and proceeded to start scratching at the dastardly bows!  It only took me 10 minutes to get rid of the first one, but the other one hung on like mad! 

Then.... to get rid of the terrible perfume smell, I scouted around until I found a bit of nice hedgehog poo in the middle of the lawn and, man oh man, I went to town.  Rolled, rubbed, wriggled, sniffed - I did everything to that hedgehog poo that I could so I could cover up the hairdresser's smell!  It worked too. 

I felt like half a dog again after that... I'd put the "poo" back into "poodle".  Did you get that joke?  Did you?  Did you?  Cool huh!

I felt like a bit of a dig then, so I crept up on the maidenhair fern that Mum had already planted 3 times (after I'd dug it up!) and had a good old go at it again.  Managed to beat that blasted fern into submission, I can tell you!  Made a raaaaaather big hole in the process, but what the heck!  I felt liberated, I felt free, I felt invincible!  (It's amazing what a good dig will do for you!)

A couple of days of energetic scratching later, I managed to get rid of the second bow and I started to calm down then.  I was a REAL WHOLE dog again!

Now, I'm just 'laxing back in the sun, soaking up some rays, smelling slightly hedgehoggy still, no bows, no perfume, no cute fluffy ears, dirt under my toenails......

Life is gooooooood !!!!!

 

 

Tuesday 12 March 2013

Hello World!

My mother thinks she rules the roost at my house and, in order to keep the peace and allow her to have a healthy self-image, I go along with it!  However, nothing could be further from the truth really... I mean to say....

Anyhow, I think I hear the fridge door opening (or was it my tummy rumbling? Hmmm...).  Oh, that's right, I'm deaf ! Even so, it might be worthwhile to do a saunter upstairs and see if there's any food falling out on the floor!